The heart time forgot
by ProbablyaPenguin
Summary: On the first anniversary of Jen’s death, the creek kids get together for a weekend of debauchery and fun in honour of Jen. As their friendships grow stronger, some of them realise that you never ever forget your first love.


** The heart time forgot….**

_**On the first anniversary of Jen's death, the creek kids get together for a weekend of debauchery and fun in honour of Jen. As their friendships grow stronger, some of them realise that you never ever forget your first love.**_

**Prologue  
**

As she stood on the doorstep, she was overcome with a sense of déjà vu. She felt like she had been here before. She felt like she had before stood at this very spot, arms wrapped around her, shielding her from the cold wind and she had smelt the crisp, fresh, clean air from the creek and seen those very same stars above her head.

Of course it was stupid for her to just think that she had been there before, of course she had. She had smelt this air and seen those stars and had arms wrapped around her, except now the arms were her own.

She took a deep breath and raised her hand to knock on the door. Suddenly before she even had a chance to knock the door swung open.

"Andie, Andie McPhee" said a familiar voice, "Now just how long did you think you were gunna stand there, staring at my door for?"

"Pacey, Oh it's so so good to see you", she cried. She threw her arms around him and he held her so tightly that it was impossible not to remember that the arms that had once held her were his.

He had been the boy that she had given every inch of her heart to for a while and he had returned her love ten fold, he had held her hand and comforted her, he had laughed with her and laughed at her and after everything they had been through she had always hoped that someday they might finally be back in each others arms.

But now she knew that could never be the case, she had, so many years ago hurt him so deeply that he felt it impossible to ever love again, anyone, not even her, especially not her. He had loved though, and he still loved the one that the both knew, Joey Potter.

He had loved her, in every way that a man can love a woman, he had dried her tears and celebrated her joys and waited all those years to be with her. He had fought for her. Pacey had fought hard and in a battle which ended with no real losers, he had still won. But he also knew deep inside that you never forget your first love. The one that ignites those first flames of passion, the one that knew you before you even knew who you were. The one who always showed their unfailing faith in you. In his case, it was her, and she knew it just as he did. They both knew that your first love never really dies.

"Andie!" shouted Joey, bounding into the room, brown ponytail whipping in the air as she embraced Andie. "I'm so glad you're here, I'm so glad that we are all here"

"And Jen would be too" said Andie

Andie turned quickly to Pacey, "Pacey, I'm so sorry about your dad"

"Thanks McPhee, I really appreciate it"

As she looked around the room Andie realised how much Pacey's house had changed since he and Joey had moved in together. Pacey's father had passed away only three months ago and with his mother living with Karen and Pacey's nieces and nephews, Pacey and Joey had chosen to move in to the old house rather than sell it.

Andie couldn't help but notice that where the pictures of children and ailed family pets once sat on the mantle were now pictures of them, the group altogether and pictures of Pacey and Joey. Moments they had spent together captured on film and displayed much to Andie's angst. Small touches of Joey now scattered the house and Andie couldn't help but be overcome with jealousy.

Suddenly two overly large male bodies enveloped Andie in a huge hug which seemed to engulf her. "Little Brother and Deputy Doug!" she said

"How'd you guess?" asked Dougie, "Well I could smell your overpriced and far to masculine for two gay guys scent!" Andie retorted

"Oh love to love you Lil sis!" replied Jack

"Well were only missing one person now" said Joey

Pacey crept up behind her an wrapped his arms around her, "Ahh yes the elusive Hollywood stud, Dawson Leery" he declared

"You rang!" replied Dawson who had suddenly burst from now where into Pacey's hall. He grabbed Joey and flung her around. Andie could not have been happier that everyone was together again. Just as they should be, except for Jen.

They all missed Jen, but each in their own unique way. Sure they had all cried, but it had hit Jack the hardest. He and Doug were raising Amy by themselves and she was so beautiful. She looked just like Jen, beautiful blond hair and the most brilliant smile they had ever seen. Andie had made a point of staying close by so that she could help them, but it had been so long since they had all been together and Andie was determined to maintain her calm and celebrate the fact that they had known Jen instead of mourning that she was gone.

Pacey had lit an enormous bonfire just below the hill at the back of his house, they dragged chairs down towards it and as the heat from the fire pierced through the cold Capeside air, Andie took a second to listen as her friends shared stories in the near dark. She could hear Doug boasting about how Amy was starting to walk and to run. She could hear Joey quizzing Dawson about his latest starlet conquest and suddenly a pair of arms reach from behind her and hugged her.

"McPhee, you look amazing"

"Well Pace, you look … well you look old"

"Oh don't banter me, McPhee. You playing with the best"

"Don't worry yourself, Pacey, I invented banter, I can take care of myself. By the way is that grey in your hair old man."

"Andie, I heard what happened" Pacey began.

"I don't wanna talk about it Pacey, not here. I don't want to ruin this great evening with all of our friends." Andie said

"Not even to me" Pacey asked.

"Especially not you Pacey." She replied.

Pacey had opened an old wound for Andie. Not long after Jen had died, Andie to had found out she was sick. Andie had cancer and she refused to tell anyone until she knew what was going to happen to her. She survived all of her treatments without the help of her friends and had only told Jack when she found out that the treatments had left her able to conceive a child, but never to carry it to full term. This made her chances of being a mother slim to none. She had proven just as stubborn over Pacey's questioning as she had over telling anyone to begin with.

But she was fine now, she had come to terms with the fact that she would never have children and although the though of children of her own was never far from her mind, at this time she really didn't have anyone to share it with so it didn't matter much.

"Thanks" she said as Dawson handed her a glass of red wine

"Your welcome" he replied

"So hows my favourite hot shot director?" Andie asked

"No complaints" said Dawson "Starting to feel the effect of this wine though" he laughed.

"Yeah I know what you mean!" Andie replied

Andie knew that the red wine should have stopped two bottles of wine ago when Jack had suggested that they drag out the karaoke machine, to which Joey had quite quickly and quite sensibly put a stop to.

She stared over at Pacey and Joey, their hands intertwined and eyes permanently attached to each other. She had survived her parents break up, her brothers death, her crazy mother and even her own morality but the sight that still broke her heart was that of the man she had loved for so long, looking so in love with someone else. She stared blankly into her glass, drank the rest and proceeded to pour another.

The night followed in kind of a slightly drunken blur to Andie. She knew that the karaoke machine HAD come out and at one stage Doug was a little more Village People than Andie cared to remember. Now the morning had come and as she blurrily opened her eyes, Andie could sense that she wasn't alone in bed.

She didn't want to turn over, she hadn't been that drunk. What had she done, what had happened that she had slept with Pacey, HE wasn't that drunk she thought. Part of her dreaded to turn over, the other part wanted to lean over and see the man she had been dreaming of being with for so long.

She rolled over. "Dawson" she exclaimed

"Umm…………… hey!" he replied

Andie stumbled into the kitchen, still unable to overcome the shock of finding Dawson on the other side of her bed. She reached into the fridge to pull out the orange juice and could sense someone behind her. She wheeled around to see Joey.

"Hey Jo!" she said

"So "nice" evening last night?" Joey replied

"Unexpected" said Andie

"I'll bet" replied Joey

Suddenly another voice boomed into the kitchen,

"So what's shakin McPhee, Oh I know, My spare guest bed that's what!" smiled Pacey. Part of Andie was jealous that there was not even a hint of jealousy in his eyes.

"Ummm morning!" came Dawson's voice as he too entered the kitchen

He leaned over in an attempt to kiss Andie on the check, but she quickly manoeuvred herself away.

"I'm heading for a shower" Andie said.

Later that day as Andie stood in the guest room, she was close to tears. All this time she had wanted to come back after having been sick and have Pacey look after her. She should have been having drunken sex with Pacey not Dawson, she should have felt Pacey's lips on hers not his best friends.

She lay on the bed, sobbing into her pillow. A hand stroked her hair and as she rolled over she saw Dawson. Part of her wanted to push him away, but part of her, the part the craved desire and acceptance and the love she had been missing from Pacey all these years gave in and let him kiss her. First gently on the lips and then he nuzzled into her neck and began kissing her again. She threw her arms around him and clawed at the back of his neck, she gave in.

She awoke, what must have been a few hours later to Dawson staring at her.

"Hey beautiful!" he said

"Hi" she replied

"So I reckon we might just have something here Andie!" Dawson said as he leaned over to kiss her again. She pulled herself away, wrapping her body in the bed sheet.

"What's wrong" Dawson asked

"Us, that's what's wrong" Andie replied

"Yeah but…" Dawson started

"No Dawson, you, me, none of this should have happened" Andie spat

"There is no us and it's not special and it shouldn't have happened and…" she continued "And you're just convenient!"

"Bye Dawson"

Andie grabbed her stuff and speed put of the room.

Driving to the B & B, Andie couldn't help but cry as she wound along the road.

She hadn't meant to hurt Dawson, but she hadn't been able to help herself. He obviously wanted something that she would never be able to give him. She had promised herself a long time ago that she would never ever give her heart to anybody else ever again. But she would always give it back to Pacey, all he need do was ask.

Andie laid low for her remaining time in Capeside, she saw Dawson and apologised for everything. She explained everything to him, really poured her heart out to him and had told him everything. Even about her unending love for Pacey. Dawson had comforted her and it had been nice. Not romantic and not sexual just friendly. He seemed to understand what it was like to lose his soul mate, the one person you are meant for. Your first love.

Andie had visited friends, spent time with Jack and Amy and had enjoyed being in Capeside a magical month. Nobody seemed to mention "the incident" and she was glad for that. She had many things on her mind, but the most important thing was something that she knew she could only talk to Pacey about.

Andie reached Pacey's door, knowing that Joey would not be home, she knew she had to tell him now or never. Pacey had to be the first to know or she would never forgive herself. Andie's hands were clammy as she knocked on the door.

Pacey opened it and let her in.

"Pacey, I need to talk to you bout something." Andie said

"You sound serious McPhee, what's up?" replied Pacey

"Is it serious?" he continued

"This may well be the most life altering moment of my life" Andie replied

"Well go on then…" said Pacey

"Pacey" Andie started, her voice quaking and her eyes almost welling with tears.

"I'm pregnant" she said.

"You're what!" Pacey shouted

"Well at least I think I am." Andie replied

"Yeah but I thought…." Pacey continued

"No, I knew I could GET pregnant, but its unlikely I can carry to term and now I don't know what to do." Andie said

"Is it…" said Pacey

"Yeah, It's Dawson's" Andie finished his sentence for him and the two of them sat in stone cold silence, Andie occasionally weeping and Pacey occasionally shaking his head.

Finally Pacey broke the silence, "Have you told him?"

"Nope, I haven't told anyone, I couldn't tell anyone, except you" Andie replied

"And you don't know for sure?" said Pacey

"I'm pretty sure, but I need to confirm with the doctor." She said.

"Congratulations kids, You're having a baby!"

"Oh its not a WE that are having the baby, I'm just moral support" said Pacey

"And I'm not having it." Replied Andie

Pacey looked at her stunned

"I want to know what my options are for, umm, sorting this out." Asked Andie

"You can't be serious can you Andie!" exclaimed Pacey

'I'm way serious Pace." She replied

"My Boston doctors have already told me how dangerous it would be for me to try and carry to term, plus there is no way I'm having Dawson Leery's baby." She continued.

"Well…" interrupted the doctor, "Your young, all your vital are fantastic and I think that you could definitely plan on carrying this baby at least a safe distance." He said.

"Thanks Doc, she'll let you know what she decides." Said Pacey, dragging Andie by her arm out of the office.

"Why did you do that?" said Andie

'Because for the first time in ages you really are talking like a crazy woman McPhee." Said Pacey

"Well I'm so sorry that you don't agree with MY decision Pacey, but it's just that MY decision, not yours, I'm sorry I trusted you and got you involved. There is no way I'm having this baby!." Andie shouted and stormed away.

Andie threw herself on the bed, the tears just seemed to pour out in the same way that they used to. When she had felt at her worst, this is exactly how the pain had felt. And she hated that once again, Pacey was the only person who seemed to make sense. She had to tell Dawson, she knew that she had come clean and she also knew that this was just the kind of news that Dawson would probably love. Her head smarmed with thought, what would Joey say, How would the rest of their friends react, what would become of her?

Andie slowly dragged herself off the bed, she wiped the tears from around her eyes and mustering all of her strength, she soon found herself pulling up outside the Leery House. She went to knock on the door, but before she had the chance the door swung open. "Dawson!" Andie exclaimed

"I heard your car pull up." Said Dawson in a manner that indicated he was less than happy to see her.

"We need to talk." Said Andie…..

**Epilogue**

It was so long ago and as Dawson looked down at his beautiful baby daughter, he could feel the emotion of it all bringing him close to tears. April really was the most stunning child he could even have imagined and she looked just like a lil mini Andie.

"Come on Princess" he said, "Let's go."

"Boo" came a noise from behind April's ear, just loud enough to surprise her, but quite enough not to scare her.

"Bow" April gurgled

"Yes yes, Aunty Jo's here" Joey giggled, Bow had somehow become April's version of Jo, and she had obviously been listening to her father to much.

Coming through the door, Pacey's voice boomed, "Where is the best looking girl in Capeside?" he said

"Right here" replied Dawson

"You ready?" said Pacey

"As ever" said Dawson

They wandered along searching for Andie, and then finally among the roses and the grass, there she was…

Andrea McPhee

1983- 2006


End file.
